guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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