I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
