He told me they were just razor bumps!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
