Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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