I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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