I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pants are for mortals
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize