You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
