I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
