I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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