I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
