i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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