I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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