i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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