whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
