but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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