Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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