Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you are never too drunk for berry picking
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
