Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
