Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
