my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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