i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
