I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
