The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
