Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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