so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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