Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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