You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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