I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
