Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
