This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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