So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize