I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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