ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
