drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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