i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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