Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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