I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
