I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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