omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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