The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
