Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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