I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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