I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
