Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
