there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
