I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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