i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
