We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This house was built for laser tag.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
