You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she smelled like a LAN party
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
