Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
