Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
