things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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