Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Vodka?
Forever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
