I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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