Say something about gay babies.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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