Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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