i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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