I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
