you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
