Will you blow on my dice?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
