Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
