so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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