She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
